hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
