you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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