how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Everyone says I win the strip club
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
