just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
