I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize