I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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