thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
