I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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