***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
