No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
