Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
