This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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