and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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