Sacagawea was the original milf.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
