Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
