My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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