Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
