She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
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Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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