Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
