Will you blow on my dice?
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize