No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
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Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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