she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
