Have you finally orgasmed yet?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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