dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
