i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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