Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
