just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
