Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You need Xanax blowdarts
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
