did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
