absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
