How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
