Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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