i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
