life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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