UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
