went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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