Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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