The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
My bed smells like the plague
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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