put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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