dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Randomize
