she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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