2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
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He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
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You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
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