im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
