omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
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