return my video game
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
How's work?
Spinning.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
