I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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