I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
