it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
