I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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