whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
