I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
