Non-Jews are for practice
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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