Apparently you make a good broom.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
