dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
