You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
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Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
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On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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