This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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