I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
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If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
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Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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