I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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