he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize