I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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