i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
